picture perfect

I often get frustrated or annoyed that things may not look picture perfect in my house and think, how can I ever relax in this mess? When really, there are only but a few dishes in the sink. And you know sometimes the house is a mess, and I sense God poking at me to sit down and be with Him (not that I can't do that while cleaning), but that time of "God it's just you and me, and I'm not leaving til I meet with you." Today that started with a sermon by Mark Driscoll:

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/1-timothy/1-timothy-6-1-10

In which I was challenged on what I define as being rich and whether or not I am truly content with my life.

I admit, I have been struggling with being content. I just moved into a new apartment in Montreal in November and after listening to this sermon, I was so convicted on my attitude. I kept saying if I just had an actual bed with sheets I would be so happy or if I have furniture for my living room or better yet furniture that matches, I would be sooo happy.

I even thought the same of my job. Once I get another job, I will be so happy. No word of a lie as soon as I thought that I heard Mark say "Barista's"
he had my attention.
"I'm just a barista" many will say, how am I supposed to find my fulfillment in my job?"
to his response:
"You're not, you are to find your fulfillment in Christ, being a barista is just your job, not your identity".

I've had people tell me this, and wonder,
"Why didn't that one sink in?"
"Do I just not understand what it means to be fufilled by Christ? Or what it looks like to try and find my identity in other places?"
If I am honest with myslef it's a bit of everything. I was clearly blinded to what it meant to have my identity wrapped up in a job. And the funny thing is, I never found it there, so if you want to ask me what it looks like to find your identity in your job, ask someone else, because I am still...well here's hoping I'm done looking and have learnt my lesson!

I think another reason is that I was choosing not to read God's word, be around His people or listen to sermons.
"Why is that, you ask?"
"I wanted a quick fix"
All those things took too long, it was just so much easier to go and dream about the things I thought could make me happy.

After listening to that sermon by Mark Driscoll, I realized that part of the reason I am always on the go or still dreaming about how to decorate my house is because I am discontent. I want everything to be picture perfect before I rest. Not only that, I was convicted that I desire physical beauty (ie. interior design, outward adornment) over the transformative beauty of Christ.

Maybe that's why I work as a barista in the fashion capital of Canada, coming home with the smell of coffee caked on my hands and milk all over my clothes. He desires to show me that as gross as I may appear on the outside (not encouraging you to show up to work as a slob), He is doing a work on the inside.

I want to leave you with this quote that I have read several times today and meditating on it:

“Have you heard God’s blessing in your inmost being? Are the words “You are my beloved child, in whom I delight” an endless source of joy and strength?

Have you sensed, through the Holy Spirit, God speaking them to you? That blessing – the blessing through the Spirit that is ours through Christ – is what Jacob received, and it is the only remedy against idolatry. Only that blessing makes idols unneccesary.

As with Jacob, we usually discover this only after a life of ‘looking for blessing in all the wrong places.’ It often takes an experience of crippling weakness for us to finally discover it. That is why so many of the most God-blessed people limp as they dance for joy.”

- Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods (New York, NY: Penguin Group, 2009), 164.

ps. I was challenged by that first line "My beloved child in whom I delight", do I consider that an endless joy of source and strength?

an attempt

So my brother and I both LOOVE eggs benny!
And I have heard that they are somewhat challenging to make, but I really want to give it a go!
So Wednesday morning (late morning that is) its me and martha's step by step video on poaching eggs...wish me luck!

http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/eggs-benedict-2

beaming with anticipation

I can hardly wait for this Monday 9:16 am to come!
It means I will be on a train headed towards home sweet home
Its interesting as home has never really been a place of retreat or relaxation for me
However, I feel that now since I am on my own and work crazy hours, my mom seems to have extended some grace in that regard
I literally think she would dissaprove of me sleeping in before
but now, since I barely EVER get to do it, she may approve
And even when I tell her I have days off work she encourages me to sleep in :D

Here are some things I am looking forward to:
1. Praying and hoping for a snowy train ride home (those are always so peaceful and very conducive to deep meditating and reflecting) whilist sipping tea
2. Bumming around in my pjs for a few days just because I can
3. Reading the word and a few good books over the break
4. Getting a real tree, putting it up and sitting next to it with no other lights but the ones off the tree and the ones of flickering candles
5. Evening walks and drives to enjoy the snow and the lights
6. Pics of all the snow and lights to stop and enjoy God's creation (just as He did on the Sabbath, so I will stop and enjoy His beauty)
7. My home church (love love LOVE Maranatha!)
8. Breafast dates with the fam
9. Shopping dates avec ma mere
10. Seeing old friends
11. Babysitting some of my fave girls and making a gingerbread house with them (we sealed this deal in November lol)
12. Christmas movies
13. Meditating on the true joy of the season, I have a Saviour who was born in a manger, who can relate and mourn with me in every way and paid the penalty for my sins so I never have to experience separation from my Heavenly Father! Best gift of ALL! Thank you Jesus :D