Monday, December 28, 2009

picture perfect

I often get frustrated or annoyed that things may not look picture perfect in my house and think, how can I ever relax in this mess? When really, there are only but a few dishes in the sink. And you know sometimes the house is a mess, and I sense God poking at me to sit down and be with Him (not that I can't do that while cleaning), but that time of "God it's just you and me, and I'm not leaving til I meet with you." Today that started with a sermon by Mark Driscoll:

In which I was challenged on what I define as being rich and whether or not I am truly content with my life.

I admit, I have been struggling with being content. I just moved into a new apartment in Montreal in November and after listening to this sermon, I was so convicted on my attitude. I kept saying if I just had an actual bed with sheets I would be so happy or if I have furniture for my living room or better yet furniture that matches, I would be sooo happy.

I even thought the same of my job. Once I get another job, I will be so happy. No word of a lie as soon as I thought that I heard Mark say "Barista's"
he had my attention.
"I'm just a barista" many will say, how am I supposed to find my fulfillment in my job?"
to his response:
"You're not, you are to find your fulfillment in Christ, being a barista is just your job, not your identity".

I've had people tell me this, and wonder,
"Why didn't that one sink in?"
"Do I just not understand what it means to be fufilled by Christ? Or what it looks like to try and find my identity in other places?"
If I am honest with myslef it's a bit of everything. I was clearly blinded to what it meant to have my identity wrapped up in a job. And the funny thing is, I never found it there, so if you want to ask me what it looks like to find your identity in your job, ask someone else, because I am still...well here's hoping I'm done looking and have learnt my lesson!

I think another reason is that I was choosing not to read God's word, be around His people or listen to sermons.
"Why is that, you ask?"
"I wanted a quick fix"
All those things took too long, it was just so much easier to go and dream about the things I thought could make me happy.

After listening to that sermon by Mark Driscoll, I realized that part of the reason I am always on the go or still dreaming about how to decorate my house is because I am discontent. I want everything to be picture perfect before I rest. Not only that, I was convicted that I desire physical beauty (ie. interior design, outward adornment) over the transformative beauty of Christ.

Maybe that's why I work as a barista in the fashion capital of Canada, coming home with the smell of coffee caked on my hands and milk all over my clothes. He desires to show me that as gross as I may appear on the outside (not encouraging you to show up to work as a slob), He is doing a work on the inside.

I want to leave you with this quote that I have read several times today and meditating on it:

“Have you heard God’s blessing in your inmost being? Are the words “You are my beloved child, in whom I delight” an endless source of joy and strength?

Have you sensed, through the Holy Spirit, God speaking them to you? That blessing – the blessing through the Spirit that is ours through Christ – is what Jacob received, and it is the only remedy against idolatry. Only that blessing makes idols unneccesary.

As with Jacob, we usually discover this only after a life of ‘looking for blessing in all the wrong places.’ It often takes an experience of crippling weakness for us to finally discover it. That is why so many of the most God-blessed people limp as they dance for joy.”

- Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods (New York, NY: Penguin Group, 2009), 164.

ps. I was challenged by that first line "My beloved child in whom I delight", do I consider that an endless joy of source and strength?

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