Thursday, November 5, 2009

on willingness

this fall has really shown me alot
moving to a new city on your own forces you to become an adult fast
especially when you come in hopes that God will provide you with a job and a place to live
thank you Jesus for both!

i think that this transition was so drastic for me, because my university was only a 45min-hr drive from my home
the fam was always a short drive away
and now, that's not the case

i'm off on my own with a place and a job
i will be honest, i went through culture shock
it started with the classic "Montreal is wonderful, who could hate this place?"
to actually despising this place and many tearful nights of wanting to return home

i think alot of my pain came from not having a place to call home
this is HUGE for me
when i am not working or out living life i enjoy being at home, baking something yummy or all curled up with a good book or movie
not having a place, not understanding the language or the culture hurt, alot
i would put on a smile for most as i didn't want to appear whiny, but deep inside, it was hard, i swallowed my tears
i was deeply and still am thankful for those who related and encouraged me
there is nothing like someone being able to relate to you when you are in pain
that's yet another reason why Jesus is awesome! he can relate to anything!
i can't even begin to imagine the pain He endured in being seperated from the Father, there were many times that God was all that i had
those times when there was no one else to talk to, i was forced to turn to God and cry, knowing He understood my pain
my heart was comforted by trusting in His word as i couldn't always feel Him there
other times i felt surrounded in His presence (ie. Summit extended worship or returning to Maranatha a couple of weeks ago at soul was doing cartwheels)

now having a place, has made things easier
its nice to say after church or something "I'm going home for lunch"
or to come home after an early shift at work and crawl into bed for a couple of hours
its soo nice to be able to close my door after a long day and be all alone if that's what i choose
its exciting to look at places (like Ikea) and get inspiration on how to decorate my home (there is something about personalizing your bedroom to your style)
its also nice that my housemate and i have alot of the same tastes in interior design (such a blessing!)

in all this
(this being living on a tight budget, a little bit of free time, i have been challenged to the max)
i am still working on it for sure
but there are many days when i come home and all i want to do is sleep but know that there is work to be done
its funny how much i longed for the day of being an adult, but with it comes many responsibilities
responsibilties that can become so mundane
but with purpose (if i'm willing) can be wonderful
in all this Lord
help me to serve you with a joyful heart and carry out my responsibilites unto your Glory so that no one may miss your grace
remind me daily that you have called me here for that very purpose
let me not take this lightly, give me your eyes when i see the fields
change my heart oh Lord