A time to mourn, a time to dance

My dear friend Jess who just became a Versteeg this past Saturday :D

My cousin Nathan with his beautiful wife Colleen :)

This past weekend I attended 3 weddings, one of which I was in. I don't think I have ever been so emotional in one weekend. Shaking and crying as I watched my beautiful friend Jess walk down the aisle and marry her Wesley and tearing up as I saw my other friends walk down the aisle to marry the loves of their lives.

A weekend filled with such beauty and knowing that this weekend was just a glimpse of what is to come when Christ comes for His bride. This really stood out to me at my lovely friend Gloria's wedding when some worshiped in English and others in Cantonese.

So between weddings and packing my life into boxes I came across this verse:

Ecclesiastes 3:4
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

This passage is so true of my life as I laugh, dance and celebrate with my friends. But as I pack up to return home there is a sense of mourning that I'm experiencing as I say goodbye to those that are so near and dear to my heart here in Montreal.

It's going and trusting that God has prepared a way for me. Knowing that He WILL provide for all my needs {financial, spiritual, community...etc}.

I mentioned the other day to a friend who has become like another mom to me that sometimes I almost wish my heart was hard as the pain of leaving is very real and was so thankful for her encouragement.

So, I ask of you dear friends to join me in prayer as I make this transition. It's not a bad change, just a hard one.

Bienvenue dans ma vie {lately}

The past few days in Montreal have been GLORIOUS weather wise! I am crazy excited for
straw hats {as you can see to the right}, picnics with fresh food from the market or from here: {http://bit.ly/mb1nDP}, jazz fest and the wedding celebrations of some of my lovely friends and family.

So that's what's ahead, as for now life has been pretty sweet. Having had a seizure Easter weekend forced me to slow down again/re-evaluate all I am doing and to be mindful of my body's capacity and warning signals. It's really hard when you are the type of person who likes to try and get LOADS done in one day, but realizing it may be impossible for your body.

In light of that, here's whats on my mind/what I've been learning lately:

1. I don't actually multitask, I just have a bunch of windows open on my computer and jump from one article to the next, which achieves what now? SO, I've been forcing myself to focus on ONE task at a time and it's AMAZING what you can get done!
2. I'm learning ALOT about how deeply God loves me {insert Psalm 139 here and the hymn How deep the Father's love for us}. There would be countless days this week where part of that hymn would come to mind, like: His dying breath has brought me life or That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure
   
3. Thinking alot about how I can use my education, experience and resources to further His Kingdom as I re-read John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life
4. Being an adult is HARD
5. Going home for the weekend was nice, but I realized how much I LOVE Montreal and how this is now home :)
6. I'm super STOKED to learn French and that with each passing day, I'm understanding it more :D
7. The Gospel, TRULY brings me joy. Can I PLEASE remember that when I try and fill that void with something else for the 15,069th time?!?!? PLEASE!

That's a glimpse of what's going on, oh yes and its that lovely time of roomate/apartment hunting...pray is much appreciated ;)

May, May, Glorious May

Everything is coming into bloom and it's so pretty!
Glad I had the weekend to sit back and appreciate it :)

This month is SO crazy! I have a couple of weeks to basically figure out if I want to continue living in this apt next yr, find a roomate for next yr and find a place for next yr.

Lord, as I sang at church today "With you, all things are possible". I sang it believing SO STRONGLY that you will take care of me, may I continue to believe that as I do my part in house/roomate hunting.

May I also not let Satan use this as a way to rob me of my joy. Let me see this as another opportunity to know you better.

In Your Powerful Name,
Amen

Easter

Mmmm Mini Eggs. I have a jar of them sitting in my living room and if it wasn't 8am I may consider running and grabbing a handful.

But back to the reason for this post. EASTER. Last weekend I walked into Walmart only to find myself walking in a sea of pastels and chocolate. What you see above my friends is what media portrays as "Easter".

And what Media portrays as Easter we do a facebook "like". We like things that don't rub us the wrong way. We like what serves us now and makes us comfortable now. We like hearing we can have our best life now or that we deserve it.

But when we hear anything different than that, we brush it off as "relative truth". We say "oh that's great for you, but not for me".

We want a life that's based around "me" and "my" wants and needs.

But, I wonder what it would be like if we listened to things that are unsettling and rub us the wrong way from time to time. What's the fear? Are we scared of giving up our comfortable lives?

I can say for me, that is a definite resounding "yes".

I've got it made here in Montreal. Great friends, Great church, a beautiful semi-victorian style apartment and pretty much anything I could ever want.

But I have to daily ask myself, am I willing to give those things up for something so much better? Do I know that if I have NONE of those things, I will be OK?

I think I know the answer to that one and it's not the one I want.

I want my sin to be more unsettling than the thought of losing it all {woah scary prayer}.

ps. semi side note: Currently reading Augustine Confessions and he had it SO right in describing our sin. Check it out.

Confessions

So I decided to pick up Augustine's Confessions the other day and continue where I left off {chapter 2}.

Let me just say, this book has probably been one of my most challenging reads {even having done University}. Though, I am quite enjoying the challenge. It makes me stop and think about what I'm reading and examine my heart. It shows me yet again the sinner I am and how much I need God.

As of right now, my fave chapter has been chapter four {http://bit.ly/fzSFNn}. I think I read it about 5 times yesterday. Check it out.

The plank in my eye

Its RIDIC to think that I could love by faith, forgive my debtors, love God, not criticize...etc by sheer willpower.

So why am I SO quick to criticize others who don't do these things either?

2010 Reflections/2011 Resolutions

With 2011 right around the corner, I decided to reflect on some of the things God taught me/is still teaching me. Here were some of the lessons of 2010:

1. My relationship w the Lord is not dependent upon my works {ie. Just bc I pray and read my bible doesn’t mean that God is obligated to answer, BUT it also doesn’t mean He is not there}
2. I ultimately decide what I will spend my time meditating on {ie. will I choose to believe the lies the enemy whispers, or when he tempts me or will I choose to meditate on the truth of Christ}
3. Being content has nothing to do with materialism. If I try to fill my life with material possessions or things that will ultimately perish I will be unsatisfied. It's only when I realize that I don't deserve the common or saving grace of God; then my heart will be overjoyed.
4. Christ's work on the Cross is ridiculously powerful/awesome. When I read this: {http://bit.ly/gxw8q} slow and break it down, God reminds me of His Greatness

2010 has been a interesting year to say the least. I put my life into boxes and moved from Ontario to Montreal, QC. I spent many nights in tears wondering "what have I done, why am I here? I HATE IT!"

This past year, I also saw God do a number on my heart {we are talkin, complete 180 here peeps}. I saw tears of pain, stubborness and confusion turn into a love for Quebec and the Quebecois. A love so strong that even after a long day w annoying people, I could still go home or to Young Adults and feel God tugging at my heart saying "Vive le Quebec".

I know all these will be life long lessons, but I must say I am thankful for the work God has carried out this past year.

Now for what I am looking forward to or New Years resolutions you could say?

1. More memorizing of Scripture. Beth Moore mentioned in one of her blogposts that we WILL medidtate on something, so what's it going to be? I have decided to take part in her scipture memory exercise if you will for this 2011 yr. Check out the instructions here: {http://bit.ly/gxzLZe}
2. Study God's word on the topic of resources {ie. financial, material possessions}. I need to be a better steward of what God has entrusted me with.
3. Live more simply {only what I need and be more generous in my giving}
   
4. Improve my French on all levels {oral, written, reading}.
5. Be more intentional about sharing my faith

So those are the goals that are currently on my head/heart for the 2011 year. I'd LOVE to hear what God has taught you this past year and resolutions you have for the up and coming one! And in keeping with the French theme: heureuse nouvelle année! {Happy New Year ;D}

Drop the puck

With having an antenna and getting CBC (in both English and French)
I am sooo happy to be able to watch this:
http://www.nhl.com/ice/schedulebymonth.htm

Yes, my friends hockey season has begun!

Dear Jesus...

Thank you for awakening in my heart the need once again to be a Christian woman in Montreal. You made it as clear as day to me last night. Girls are taught to desire success and independence to make it on their own and a name for themselves (they cannot rely on men, and I'm not saying they should rely on a guy). Their is nothing wrong with wanting knowledge, but when it comes before God, that's a problem.

Eve was tempted in the exact same way. She had it made in the Garden. But choose to be "all-knowing" instead of knowing God. That and Genesis 3:16 has and forever will be the struggle of woman.

I so often get trapped in this world and have to put the brakes on and realize I'm supposed to be in the world and not of it. I shouldn't be conforming, but setting the example Christ would have me to set.

Lord, remind me constantly of this need. Eternal life (the good life) is knowing you and nothing else.

Tension

So I'm hoping to work say for another year or two and then possibly go back to school. I'd ultimately like to go back in a year's timing but I don't think that's realistic with the amount of money I need to have saved up. See right now I am thinking I would like to do a year or two of Bible College and just study God's word.

However, any form of Post-Secondary Education comes at a cost, usually a BIG one. Does that worry me? Unfortunately yes. It worries me as to how I will ever pay for it without going into more student debt. I don't have 5-10 grand just sitting around at my disposal. This makes me feel bound to working at Second Cup for the rest of my life.

Am I lacking trust or facing reality?

Trust and save Amanda, trust and save.

I like you, I like you not part 2

Things that make me smile or irritate the *beep* out of me:
1. Cafe Myranny coffee (just half a milk and one sugar and its glorious!) accompanied with Rachel :D
2. Dislike: the unreliable STM bus services. Example: the non-existent 4:45am bus! Where art thou?
3. Good food for thought:
"Satan is the master of extremes. As Luther said, Satan doesn't care which side of the horse we fall off, as long as we don't stay on the saddle" Randy Alcorn Money, Possessions and Eternity.
4. Dislike: Stale 2.50 vanilla cupcake from Starbucks (shakes fist)
5. To make up for the horrible vanilla cupcake I will make these: http://bit.ly/coOEpP
6. LOVE: Afternoon naps on rainy days with a lovely breeze blowing in (thank you Jesus)
7. Cute $10 black shorts from H&M that make running around a coffee shop a whole lot cooler ;D
8. Walks home in the rain in evening with a sturdy umbrella

On my nightstand

If any of you know me well I always have about 10 books on the go. Its so hard for me to finish a book in a decent amount of time. I was very impressed to have finished Tim Keller's Prodigal God in under a month!

Anyhow this is what is currently on my nightstand:
-Money, Possessions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn
-My Life in France by Julia Child
-Father, I long for a heart that dances (bible study) by Catherine Martin
-ESV Study Bible
-Shoo, Jimmy Choo by Catey Hill

So, what books are on your nightstand?

I like you, I like you not

In case you're wondering, this post has nothing to do with a boy! But has everything to do with things that I like and don't like. As odd and cheesy as it sounds I am having fun figuring out what I like and what I don't like. I feel like Montreal has given me the opportunity to do just that. I must thank God for bringing me here. As hard as it is, it's shown me who I am and what I value. More thoughts to come. Here are some things I have discovered:

1. The more I explore Montreal (ie get my butt out of downtown) the more I fall in love with it. Case and pt last night I made my way to the gay village to eat at la couscoussiere with my co-workers and really enjoyed it.
2. People who are not U2 should not do covers of U2
3. Eating late gives me nightmares (3 last night). Lesson learned? I hope so!
4. I forgot how much I LOVE biking until I bixi'ed home from work yesterday (public bike system in Monts)
5. I enjoy some Country music (insert Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift here...sigh...)
6. Getting deep into God's word and seeing how it applies to my life
7. Doing number #6 in a group with my brothas and sistas in Christ ;D
8. Celebrating my first Saint Jean Baptiste day in Montreal QC
9. Hearing the need once again for the Quebecois (thank you again Christina)
10. Jazz Fest! Very excited to sit outside for an afternoon and listen to some good ol jazz....siiiigh

1/4 life crisis?

I seriously have no idea what the heck I am doing with my life and it kinda freaks me out. I don't know what I am passionate about (thus wanting to wait to figure that out before I do more school).

It's kind of scary. I don't want to work in a coffee shop for the rest of my life...

Anyhow, not sure if I am alone in this feeling but that's how I'm feeling as of late.

on multitasking

I'm beginning to believe it's not as effective as ppl say it is.
Having too many windows open on the computer is distracting.
(esp if you are reading a blog and you seen an interesting blog on theirs and its all downhill from there)

Anyhow, I'm not trying to say inspiration is a bad thing for me
It's just sometimes, well no most, it leads to many unfinished tasks and lots of frustration as NOTHING looks or ever gets finished.
So I am thinking I need help in this area.
Maybe I need to write out what I want to get done (realistically)
And just start working on them, one by one

It's funny, I work well when I have something written down on paper.
Why didn't I think of this before?

My life in...Montreal

I'm slowly getting used to life in French
As I was taking the Metro home from work on Friday, I realized that it would be so weird to see signs in English
or
To not hear people speak in French around me.

I think the biggest test will be when I head back to Ontario for Easter. I am so used to speaking to the cashier in French or if I walk infront of someone or if someone holds the door, French just comes out.

We shall see in two weeks what will come out of my mouth ;)

thoughts from the past few days

thought 1-Praise God He gave me a job in this beautiful city of Montreal and the opportunity to learn French :)

thought 2-i really need to learn how to finish a book i start, i have a serious problem with having 10 books on the go all at once! i can't help it though, i love reading!

thought 3-living with Dorrie and being blessed by late night discipleship moments or tears over breakfast as i share my deepest sins or desires

thought 4-i really enjoy being creative and exploring different ways to express my creativity

thought 5-i dream of having a massive at home library with multiple books. one's that challenge me in my faith and others that i can sit and have a good laugh at or cry

thought 6-i love women's ministry and seeing women living authentically for Christ. i feel so blessed that i can play a part in that being here in Montreal :)

thought 7-i desire to marry a man who also lives an authentic life for Christ, who can do the things i cannot (ie. start a fire while camping, teach in the church or open those classico pasta jars...darn those jars!), who will enjoy a classy evening on the town from time to time or even a nice night in watching the Habs beat the leafs while eating a great meal :)

thought 8-i want to write a book or a blog that discusses real issues within a Christian woman's life

thought 9-i'd like to make something creative or new that is useful...what, i don't know

These are a few of my favourite things #3

I am learning a lot about myself lately, here are some of the more random things:

-Too much caffeine gives me the jitters (esp. in lattee form, need to ask for less expresso!)
-I LOVE the smell of linen candles!
-Small towns with boutiques=SMILES :)
-I am becoming a food connoisseur
-Board games and card games are AMAZING!!!
-Working out makes me feel good and motivates me to eat healthier
-Gardening is becoming a simple pleasure
-A rainy day=candles burning, comfies, a good book and a great tea
-I like trying different non-alcoholic beverages, especially store brands. President's Choice, Compliments and Life Brand actually make some great stuff!
-Book Stores new and old make my heart swell
-I LOVE photography! But I need practice!
-DIY Home decorating=BIG SMILES!
-Of course when the Holy Spirit gives me a deeper understanding of God's grace

School's out for sum...oh wait forever!

I probably shouldn't say its out forever, who knows, I may go back, but for know I am certain that I need a break and am taking the month of May off to do just that.

I guess my summer vacation started this weekend with a trip to the lovely Montreal. I have to admit it was pretty much one of the best weekends ever! It started with a banquet at my "good friends" church with free food and great people and a walk through downtown montreal and ice-cream sundaes from McDonalds...YUM!

Saturday was glorious day, I was finally able to bust out my cute summer dress that I got for Easter because it was plus 27 in the shade and have a great lunch at a restaurant that I can't remember the name of, all with a pretty great guy. Our day continued with a drive down to Lakeshore and sitting down by the water. But it didn't end there, our evening was accompanied with great food cooked by a lovely auntie and a walk through old Montreal.

Sunday was a bit chilly but didn't dampen the days events. Church then dim sum with another great couple, afternoon naps and then hot pot made once again by the lovely auntie.

And lastly, Monday. Brekkie with one who has become such a great friend through another great friend, quiet times on the McGill field (b/c it was plus 27 in the shade again!), half and half at calories (half lemonade, half iced tea) accompanied by nachos, dropping in to see a lovely family, chat with the mommy, give their cute kiddos gifts and adore the reactions...mickey dee's for a lovely train ride home, dinner with the aunt and uncle, 11pm trips to bubble tea and intense games of dutch blitz into the wee hours of the morning :)

My weekend was soo good and I needed to get it out! YAY!

Free Will

While reading some blogs this morning, I came across Tim Challies one on the topic of "Free Will".  I found it rather insightful, especially Augustine's diagram.

Check it out:

http://www.challies.com/index.php

entitled: "A word about free will"

Let me know your thoughts!