A Lovely Spring Morn

MMMMM is right! This is how my Thursday morning started {not to shabby I'd say}. Others choose to continue doing this:



Annnyhow, while eating breakie and catching whiffs of this guy every so often...

I opted to pull out this Southeren gal's study of a very interesting book of the Bible:



So I'm currently on day two of this study and for any of you who have done a Beth Moore study you'll know they are extensive in nature. However, if you are looking for a rich study of His word, I highly recommend her studies.

Anyhow as I was saying, I'm on day two and was told in the study to read Esther 1:1-8 about five thousand times {a wee bit over dramatic but you'll get the point}. I'm reading and reading and reading and all I can see is this big party that's lasted for 187 days and it's got all the fixins like golden couches and vases {who doesn't want that at their party}. But then, as I get to the end of the study, it hits me like a mac truck why Beth takes us over that passage SO many times. This passage is very descriptive in talking about the white and purple linens hanging from silver rods with marble pillars and, and

The way this party is being described on a very micro scale reminds me of the vastness of God's Glory {ftr: I do believe He is much more wonderful than any party any king could ever throw, this is just a micro scale idea that doesn't even compare to the richness of His glory}. If you look at Psalm 96:4-6 it speaks of how He is the only one to be praised {longer than 187 days too!}. He is the ONLY one in which splendor and majesty sit before Him and the one who created the heavens. Not to forget Psalm 49:7-8 that talks about how no man in ALL his riches can ransom himself or any other man. ONLY God can do that.

Going back to those passages in Esther we see that King Xerxes wanted to have a party to show his riches, that he actually didn't inherit on his own. All these riches were an inheritance from his father.

I am like this king in SO many ways. I want people to like me and think wonderful things of me because of what I have or who I am. I want to be glorified just like this king.

But my best relation to this king is that I have my Fathers inheritance of riches. I am no longer a slave to my own desires in wanting to be liked because of what I have or who I am {let's face it, consumerism is a vicious circle}. But I am free, because I brought those desires to the foot of the cross. Knowing they would never satisfy and that only God could ever satisfy me.

Now those desires of acceptance in the eyes of others lay in the grave and I walk in the same newness of life as Jesus did when He rose from the grave over 2000 yrs ago this past Sunday.

Moral of the story: No riches or acceptance from man will ever satisfy. It didn't work for King Xerxes and hasn't worked for me. Only knowing Christ loves us and died for us just as we are.

Fighting the "Norm"

I've thought about this quite a bit these past few weeks.
I'm defining "the norm" as what society may classify "I should have or should be doing".
It's so much easier said than done, but here goes:

• "The norm" would say at my age that I "should" have a boyfriend or spouse to satisfy me or complete me {ie. chick flicks, sappy love songs talking about how a person completes them}. By the grace of God, I have seen that no earthly relationship will ever satisfy or complete me.
• "The norm" would say that at my age I "should" have a successful career in my field of study working 9-5 with weekends off. By His grace, I am learning what jobs I am good at and what ones I'm not while still being able to faithfully give to Him, help others out financially and pay off student debt.
• "The norm" would say I "should" own a home of my own or "should" be renting on my own. And not just a home, but a beautiful penthouse in NY. By His grace, He's shown me the state of the economy and how to live below my means.
• "The norm" basically says I should look, think, do and act a certain way. God's grace tells me that I am free to be who He made me to be. I am no longer bonded to materialistic things, any person or any way of thinking. When Jesus died for me on the cross all my bonds that led to death were transferred onto Him and He imparted His righteousness unto me. I am now free to live for the one who set me free.

Do not be conformed to this world,but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. {Romans 12:2}

Stuck in my head

This song has been on repeat for the past few days. God has shown me how great and good He is. His love for me is beyond what I could ever ask or imagine. He loves me in spite of my sin, my weakness, my pride, my inability to love Him...the list goes on. He loves me. That will NEVER change. I can't remember the last time God melted my heart like this. It's wonderful. He took me through a desert to show me this love and it HURT and I cried like a baby. But as I wept, He carried me. Great is the Lord God Almighty. No one's love will satisfy like His.

No explanation necessary:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

What's Encouraging

For those days when your soul needs to "leap" a little. Here are some things God has done to bring me some encouragement:

1. Seeing the Youth Group I work with come together and think of ways they can help Democratic Republic of Congo {ie. using their gifts and talents to raise money to build wells and buy materials for Pastors in training}
2. Hearing from my roomate that 20 ppl put their trust in the Lord at Concordia University this year! {Praise God!}
3. On note two, have a wonderful wonderful roomie who makes me fall over in belly laughter {and makes AMAZING bibimbap ;D}
4. Asking some great girlfriends to join me in prayer over my workplace as it continues to stress me out and see God give me CRAZY peace that surpasses ALL understanding as I lay my anxieties at His feet.
5. After really wanting to be "discipled" and "mentored" by someone. I saw God provide that need for me and have been SO RICHLY BLESSED by dear dear Mrs. M ;D
6. I have a personal relationship with the Maker of this world and how BLESSED I am to know Him and to know that He will never, no never leave or forsake me :)
7. All the pain, injustice, tears, mourning, sickness, death will come to an end. He makes all things new.
   

Easter

Mmmm Mini Eggs. I have a jar of them sitting in my living room and if it wasn't 8am I may consider running and grabbing a handful.

But back to the reason for this post. EASTER. Last weekend I walked into Walmart only to find myself walking in a sea of pastels and chocolate. What you see above my friends is what media portrays as "Easter".

And what Media portrays as Easter we do a facebook "like". We like things that don't rub us the wrong way. We like what serves us now and makes us comfortable now. We like hearing we can have our best life now or that we deserve it.

But when we hear anything different than that, we brush it off as "relative truth". We say "oh that's great for you, but not for me".

We want a life that's based around "me" and "my" wants and needs.

But, I wonder what it would be like if we listened to things that are unsettling and rub us the wrong way from time to time. What's the fear? Are we scared of giving up our comfortable lives?

I can say for me, that is a definite resounding "yes".

I've got it made here in Montreal. Great friends, Great church, a beautiful semi-victorian style apartment and pretty much anything I could ever want.

But I have to daily ask myself, am I willing to give those things up for something so much better? Do I know that if I have NONE of those things, I will be OK?

I think I know the answer to that one and it's not the one I want.

I want my sin to be more unsettling than the thought of losing it all {woah scary prayer}.

ps. semi side note: Currently reading Augustine Confessions and he had it SO right in describing our sin. Check it out.

Grace is for everyone

Today kinda got me thinking about all the "thankless jobs" out there.

Where would we be without the service industry?
Where would we be with mom's or dad's?
Where would we be without the garbage man {or woman}?

Being in the service industry, you can't help but think about these things. There are days I come home feeling so used {anyone else with me on this one?}.

When will we start valuing people for people and not just looking at them and sneering at the job they do or don't do for that matter.

That person has a soul, feelings, life, struggles...Only God knows what.

Thanks be to God that I am not just a girl working in customer service. I am a daughter of the King, deeply loved by God.

But this goes deeper then me being loved. It just goes to show how much God loves everyone despite their social status or anything they've ever done. God is waiting for us to come to Him just as we are. His grace is for everyone and its RIDIC good.

On God's goodness

"God is good to both YOU and ME"
This was the sweet truth my friend Mandy shared with me on this Feb 14th day.

I had come to realize that I believed God was good to others, BUT not me. I seemed to feel that everyone else was experience His blessings but me {which is TOTALLY MESSED THEOLOGY, JE SAIS, JE SAIS!}.

But, its what I believed in my heart.
I then asked if I needed to repent of this.
God began to make it clear that me not believing He is good to me affects my relationship with Him in several ways:

• I start relying on my own strength and not His b/c I don't think He has this one under control
• Its incorrect theology as stated above, thus not worshiping Him in truth
  
• I become a very bitter and cynical person

If I take His promises and believe Him to be good, this is what happens:

• I do my part in working hard and TRUST God with the results
• Even when I don't see what I may think is His goodness, I take Him at His word and TRUST that the season is GOOD for me
• I become thankful and grateful to experience His goodness {as I am undeserving of it, but that doesn't mean, I don't have it ;D}

So, heart of mine, take root in this good truth. He is good and may you be reminded of it...DAILY ;D

God of this City - Chris Tomlin

When it's been a rough day in the city, I am glad I have this song on my ipod. Such a great reminder of our Sovereign God :)

On Self Image

So last night while trying to fall asleep, Satan was up to his usual business of being a jerk. As I tried to drift off into sleep I heard:

"Amanda your so ugly, you'll never amount to anything, no one will ever want you"

Now, I am not normally one to be self-conscious of my image {Not to say I think I am the best looking thing to walk the planet, but it's not something I generally struggle with by the grace of God}. But last night, his lies started to sink in.

I found my head and heart in a bit if a war last night:

{heart says:}
"You are so right! No one ever would want to be with me, there are so many more beautiful people in this world."

{head says}
"You know this isn't true! You know God created you and you know that verse that you are fearfully and wonderfully made...it's true."

And then I fell asleep.

Morning comes and I somewhat recall the night's events of the war that seemed to be going on. So I continue to ask God for His truth to penetrate my heart.

Break time comes along and one of my dear Christian colleagues graces me with her presence and encouragement.

She begins:
"You know what's so funny? This morning I was just staring at you and thought wow Amanda is so beautiful and then God started telling me to tell you this!'

Me:
"Usually I would say smile and say thanks akwardly {not to think much of it}, but today I really needed to hear that."

I explained to her how I was so insecure last night with my image and asked God to speak truth to my heart, and He did, through her.

She continued to heap loads of truth and wisdom onto me, telling me how much God adores me and how GOOD His plans are for me.

I was so thankful for this. God REALLY does provide for our EVERY need. Even if we think its a small need, God doesn't, He is our Father and LOVES LOVES LOVES speaking encouragement and truth to His children. That's just one of the reasons I am crazy in love with God.

So is there an area in your life where you could use encouragement? Ask God and watch Him provide :)

Hope

I lit a candle this afternoon with a heavy heart. This candle is symbolic of hope to me right now.
I am not usually one to write two posts in one day. But today, I had to.
I am mourning the loss of a sweet boy I used to work with that had cerebral palsy. Confined to a wheelchair for his life and unable to communicate.

My heart is aching. Such a wonderful little guy with a beautiful spirit. And though my heart is aching, its also assured that my sweet little friend is in a much better place fully restored dancing and singing with His Maker. As Jeremy Camp says in the video, "there will be a day". For now your day has come! No more pain dear Anthony, no more tears, dance, run, sing and talk forevermore!

Here's not to forget my merciful God in all this. Without Him, we have no hope. To Him be the honor and glory.

Advent Conspiracy 2010

When words won't do

image: http://reepicheep-ajf.blogspot.com

Why do I have a sketch of a little mouse on my blogpost you ask?
And NO I haven't been sketching the little mouse in my apt {if he still resides here}
I have better things to do with my time.

Back to the point of this post, I went and saw the new Narnia movie last night: Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Let me just say AWESOME MOVIE!

What really hit me the most was at the end {if you haven't seen this movie and plan to, stop reading NOW}

They were sailing towards Aslan's home {my friend and I both let out a sigh at the beauty}
Upon arriving Reepicheep asked Aslan if he could enter his home.

Aslan responded with a yes and how noble Reepicheep was.

This is the part that got me. I was clenching my coat fighting sobs and tears.

Reepicheep went on to say how it would be an HONOUR for him to enter Aslan's home.

Why the tears you ask?

Reepicheep's love for Aslan was so pure, so geninue, so real, He loved no one more.

In that, God showed me a glimpse of what it would be like to stand before Him on that day. Though I have no idea how I will respond then {ie. silence, sobbing, dancing...etc}, last night He left my heart overflowing with joy and at an utter loss for words.

Thank you Lord for using Reepicheep to reveal your amazingness to me.

Things I'm working towards :)

Hearing prayers, worship and a devo in French last night touched my heart in a way its NEVER been touched before. I absoloutely love this language and have never wanted to learn it more! I even understood quite a few words and phrases last night in French :D {before the translator translated them to English}.

In lieu of all this, these are things I am working towards:

1. Become fluent in French {as much as I possibly can: reading, written and oral}
2. Be able to carry out a Spiritual Conversation en francais
3. Go to Paris on a missions trip
4. Seriously consider some form of full time ministry in some part of the French speaking world

Thank you for birthing this desire Lord, but please help me keep my eyes set on you. You can easily change my ministry if you so choose and I don't want my ministry to be my idol.

Not just a barista

I'm going to be honest. Most of the time I don't feel like an adult because I don't have a "real" job.

Lame? Very.

But despite the logic, it's how I feel.

Well until tonight.

As I sat in my living room pondering and reflecting on the meaning of life (sounds so deep, but it wasn't, it happened in the middle of a fb convo), I thought about my vocation and what I want to be.

I tried to think about "where would I be happy" and "what would I like to do".

And a few options crossed my mind, but they didn't really jump out at me.

It was in that moment that I realized my life was being built around figuring out the "perfect" job for me and how I wouldn't be satisfied until I found that job. Whatever it maybe.

Last night I shared with some of the girls in the youth group that relationships are most important in life. First our relationship with God, then our relationship with others.

I need to stop being a hypo and take some of my own advice. I will NEVER be satisfied in a career or job. Those are mere tools in which God has entrusted to me to build relationships and to be an ambassador for Him.

Moral of the story: Jesus doesn't care what your job is (of course provided your job isn't breaking his law), He just wants to make sure your identity is ultimately found in Him.

I miss that girl I used to be...

I'm not gunna lie.
As great as I think God is (b/c He is Holy, not b/c of what He has or has not done for me)
I am frustrated with my current physical state.

By this I mean every so often feeling really unstable and needing to sit down or
utter exhaustion even after napping for a few hrs and getting 11hrs of sleep a night.

I have to get bloodwork done again at the end of this week to check my med levels.

But in the meanwhile, I have some things to work out with God.

He's Still a Great God

It's really easy to say that when things are going fine and dandy which they have been for quite a while now.
However this morning as I was getting ready to go to church an unwelcome visitor made an appearance.

Some of you may or may not know that I have epilepsy and am on medication for it.

So, seeing what I have stated above, I unfortunately had a seizure this morning. Today my record of not having a seizure for 2 yrs or more went down the drain.

However, my faith didn't.

The medical personnel was amazing and took great care of me, as was my roomate (who I will never be able to thank enough).

But I can't forget God. All the while lying in emerge waiting on my bloodwork, I couldn't stop thinking about how good God is.

I was saying to my roomie:
"You know, in the past I would have asked God why me?
But today He encouraged me greatly. He reminded me that we live in a fallen world and that my seizures are not part of His plan, but that He will use it for His glory.

And that one day I will stand before my King completely restored.

Thank you Lord for your plan. Help me to carry on in this faith.

That Great City

I have never, ever been so compelled to love a city practically in all my life.
This sermon did some MAJOR work on my soul tonight.
My desire to serve Montreal and persevere in learning French has never been greater!
Here is the sermon:

http://download.redeemer.com/rpcsermons/storesamplesermons/Should_I_Not_Love_That_Great_City.mp3

My Song, My Sustainer, My Rock

Today was just one of those days that challenged my character (for a more proper term). If I'm honest though I was so angry and stressed.

Every minute at work I literally had to remind myself to breathe and ask God to help me control my anger so I wouldn't snap at a customer.

While on break I pulled out the word and was encouraged by Ps 40:3a
He put a new song in my mouth

That spoke so deeply to my soul, I had to wipe the tears from my eyes.

I grabbed a pen and wrote: He put a new song in my mouth on my arm

I can't begin to tell you how much it helped having that verse there

Practically as I worked and as I looked at my arm, serving became easier

Why you ask?

Because of His sacrificial love for me, I was able to serve my clients and collegues.

Had I not been reassured my heart would have been angry and wanting to get out of work as soon as possible,

but God sustained me and gave me the desire to serve and stay longer even without pay.

I then got thinking about permantely having a verse there, but not sure how I feel about a tatoo (for me personally). But the thought of a charm bracelet with a scripture reference sounds like a good plan :)

Thank you Jesus, My Song and Sustainer

Radical Love

Have you ever experienced it before?
It's the best place to be in!
Ever since this past weekend when I went on a retreat with the youth, my heart for God was set a flame.
I can't even begin to tell you how much my love grew for Jesus this weekend.
After digging into parables, hearing testimonies and seeing youth passionate about following Christ, I was deeply moved to a place of repentance. He was not my number one.

I had become lazy, spending time with Him was too hard

But during this weekend...
Every talking left me longing for more of His word.
Every worship song, asking for just one more.
Every prayer, asking just one more 1 minute with you Father

I'm in a place where nothing compares. When I think about how I want to spend my evening in (as I've been sick the past few days) my options are either a movie or time in the word.

It's not even a contest any more.

I can remember when I would automatically pick the movie (and not to say anything is wrong with that) but I picked watching a movie b/c it was easier. I didn't have to think about it. Right now, my heart gladly chooses time in the word, prayer and worship first. Thank you Jesus for setting my heart aflame with you I so desperately needed it.