Dear Fall,

You are BY FAR one of my most FAVE seasons! I love everything you come with: cooler weather, crunchy colour changing leaves, boots crunching on said leaves, amazing Starbucks drinks, beautiful sweaters, a time of change and usually routine.

I think I am slowwwwly adjusting to life back in Belleville. I L.O.V.E my job! Something about helping a woman look great for her husband because he's been in Afghanistan for 2yrs, excites me, and makes me realize that I'm not JUST working a retail job, but I have an AMAZING opportunity to help impact people's lives, help them feel a renewed confidence if you will? Maybe that's why Stacy and Clinton enjoy their job SO much.




In other news, finding Christians my age and ones that I can relate to=HARD. Many of the one's I have met are quite younger than me {not that that's a bad thing}, thus are at a different life stage. Making it challenging to relate to where they are at. Still praying and seeking every opportunity I can get.

I have however signed up to do a Beth Moore study with some of the women from my church. Hoping many sign up as that will be the indicator as to whether or not they start up that study *fingers crossed*

So this is my life currently. The lack of community definitely proves as the most challenging part of this season. However, in this I pray I be reminded that God is good, loves me and will provide for me in some form or another as I do my part in seeking this. He's done it before, it's that reminding my unfaithful heart that He can do it again.

September

You come bringing lots of change {along with LOVELY weather and Pumpkin Spice lattes...YUM!}

Change in address
Change in work
Change in work clothes {YESSSSSSSS!}
Change in community
Change in home

Yeah, you get the idea, CHANGE.

Many ask how I'm adjusting and if I miss Montreal and to be honest I haven't really had time to think about the change, maybe its for the best so I don't get all nostalgic?

For right now, I can say, I am LOVING my job, enjoying spending time with my family and thrilled about my bedroom set-up {SO crucial to have a place you can call your own even in the rents place}.

What I'm finding hard is the lack thereof solid Christians in the Belleville area. Many of the people attending my church are in a different life stage and though I appreciate having friends from all walks of life, community my age and in my similar position is REALLY crucial.

Praying this is something God provides. It may mean Church shopping which I'm not really looking forward too...however, that's life.

Committing to love

Sometimes love just comes naturally, but alot of times it takes work. This is one I KNOW that without a doubt, I will have to work on.

Committing to love Belleville.

As I read over and studied Jonah 4 tonight, it dawned on me. I could either:
a) Be just like Jonah, sitting under that tree {or fleeing to Tarshish}, whining about he'd rather be dead than alive

OR

b) I could give thanks for the opportunity to serve God in Belleville and realize that this city is also in desperate need of Him {just like the Ninevites}

It is ultimately my choice.

I do pray that God provides me with solid Christian community here in Belleville, a great job and exciting opportunities to serve Him in and out of the Church.

So God, prepare my heart for this city. As I seek your face, may my heart break for this city and compel me to share your love.

Words can't even describe...

How dear this girl is to me and how happy I am for her. Why is that you ask?
She's been there for me in SO MANY WAYS!

Here's the story:
I met her in my first year philosophy class and she noticed that I got a realllly bad mark on my paper {or test} and befriended me right away.
That same day I went out to a Bible Study she was in with Campus for Christ and FNOTR {weekly mtg for C4C}
It wasn't too long after that we started hanging out more often. Whether it was taking CRAZY pics on her webcam in the wee hrs of the morning or me calling her multiple times a day to ask for advice on certain things, {only to have her remind me to pray first ;D} she's been a great friend.

As our University years carried on we spent many Summits pushing our beds together to keep warm, eating crazy chocolate cake at Cogro, late night study sessions at stauffs and hp or random trips to DQ for a pepsi on ice.

And the bonding didn't stop there! In Summer 2008 Jess joined staff with Campus for Christ and was placed in Montreal, QC. Her dream come true. It was also that summer that God placed a burden on my heart for the French speaking world {through her support presentation}.

A year later I found myself heading for Montreal, QC and Jess arrived shortly after {literally a day after}. It's now 2011, and though we don't see each other as much as we used to {and yes, we live in the same city}. She will always be a dear friend of mine. We are complete opposites in SO many ways, but there are SO many other things that seal our friendship {the 3 p's for example=pepsi, poutine and prayer}.

So my dear Jess, I wish you nothing but the best as you start your journey with this great guy! He is SO LUCKY to have you in his life and I know he feels the same way.

Je t'aime mon amie <3

Things I'm working towards :)

Hearing prayers, worship and a devo in French last night touched my heart in a way its NEVER been touched before. I absoloutely love this language and have never wanted to learn it more! I even understood quite a few words and phrases last night in French :D {before the translator translated them to English}.

In lieu of all this, these are things I am working towards:

1. Become fluent in French {as much as I possibly can: reading, written and oral}
2. Be able to carry out a Spiritual Conversation en francais
3. Go to Paris on a missions trip
4. Seriously consider some form of full time ministry in some part of the French speaking world

Thank you for birthing this desire Lord, but please help me keep my eyes set on you. You can easily change my ministry if you so choose and I don't want my ministry to be my idol.

A year later

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Well it's cooled down quite a bit here in Montreal and we have seen a little bit of snow too. But, all is well as I sit typing this cozily under a blanket, listening to some smooth jazz and enjoying my pumpkin candle.

Anyhow, these past few weeks I have been doing quite a bit of reflecting.
Today I was going through a couple of my blogposts and started reading one where I was a little over a year ago {http://bit.ly/ao68p3}.

I will admit, last year was one tough year.
I felt really disconnected from Christian community and really discouraged at my workplace. It wasn't a great place to be.

I would come home from work mentally exhausted trying to learn a new language and then force myself to go out to Bible Studies and Young Adults at my church when all I wanted to do was rest and stop initiating.

So what happened you ask?

1. I found a home to call my own. I was just crashing with a friend for a bit in her living room, {which I am VERY thankful for} but there is nothing like having your own place to decorate and live in as you please.

2. Life in Montreal got better {especially as the weather improved} I hung out with my co-workers and church friends more.

3. I got out and explored the city and LOVED it {festivals and museums galore!}

4. My french has improved. I can understand for the most part if a customer has a question that I don't hear that often {am able to pull out some words} and respond with my very small vocab.

5. I am adjusting to life in Montreal. I may not be up to speed {not to say that ppl in Montreal are always on the go} but especially after having my seziure, I have learned to value my pace of life and not let others {especially media} dominate or influence my pace or way of living.

Twas a challenging yr looking back and not to sure if I would want another one of those, but am thankful for how God did sustain me though that time.

Trying to convince myself otherwise

Its so odd. As soon as the train hit Montreal last night I wanted to be on the other train heading towards home.

I don't get this! This summer I couldn't wait to get out of home. There was quite a bit of pressure on me to be the second mom. I wasn't able to rest.

Now when I go home, I get to rest and bond with my family SOO well (point and case Monday I slept in til 11am...that would NEVER happen if I was living at home)

I guess, I must realize that as hard as it is being away from my family, being at home wasn't good for me. No matter what it looks like now, I wouldn't be able to rest. I would always be on egg shells.

I also think part of it has to do with the sense of darkness over Montreal. I never realized how strong it was. It is very strong and I can see why people struggle with depression and the like. Sometimes it feels like a war to sit down and be with God or even to wake up from my nap after my early morning shift.



Like it would just be easier to pull the covers back over my head and fall back asleep.

Another HUGE part of it is not really having anything to work towards. That always keeps me going. If I am brutally honest (and most of you well know) I don't see myself working at Second Cup for the rest of my life. I am really praying I find something else.

I guess I am so used to having an "idea" or some sort of "call" on my life. That I am lost without it. All I know right now, is that God has me here in Montreal and I need to be faithful with what He has entrusted to me (time, resources, money...etc).

For now, that is my call and to know Him.

With you in the race.

on willingness

this fall has really shown me alot
moving to a new city on your own forces you to become an adult fast
especially when you come in hopes that God will provide you with a job and a place to live
thank you Jesus for both!

i think that this transition was so drastic for me, because my university was only a 45min-hr drive from my home
the fam was always a short drive away
and now, that's not the case

i'm off on my own with a place and a job
i will be honest, i went through culture shock
it started with the classic "Montreal is wonderful, who could hate this place?"
to actually despising this place and many tearful nights of wanting to return home

i think alot of my pain came from not having a place to call home
this is HUGE for me
when i am not working or out living life i enjoy being at home, baking something yummy or all curled up with a good book or movie
not having a place, not understanding the language or the culture hurt, alot
i would put on a smile for most as i didn't want to appear whiny, but deep inside, it was hard, i swallowed my tears
i was deeply and still am thankful for those who related and encouraged me
there is nothing like someone being able to relate to you when you are in pain
that's yet another reason why Jesus is awesome! he can relate to anything!
i can't even begin to imagine the pain He endured in being seperated from the Father, there were many times that God was all that i had
those times when there was no one else to talk to, i was forced to turn to God and cry, knowing He understood my pain
my heart was comforted by trusting in His word as i couldn't always feel Him there
other times i felt surrounded in His presence (ie. Summit extended worship or returning to Maranatha a couple of weeks ago at home...my soul was doing cartwheels)

now having a place, has made things easier
its nice to say after church or something "I'm going home for lunch"
or to come home after an early shift at work and crawl into bed for a couple of hours
its soo nice to be able to close my door after a long day and be all alone if that's what i choose
its exciting to look at places (like Ikea) and get inspiration on how to decorate my home (there is something about personalizing your bedroom to your style)
its also nice that my housemate and i have alot of the same tastes in interior design (such a blessing!)

in all this
(this being living on a tight budget, a little bit of free time, i have been challenged to prioritize...to the max)
i am still working on it for sure
but there are many days when i come home and all i want to do is sleep but know that there is work to be done
its funny how much i longed for the day of being an adult, but with it comes many responsibilities
responsibilties that can become so mundane
but with purpose (if i'm willing) can be wonderful
in all this Lord
help me to serve you with a joyful heart and carry out my responsibilites unto your Glory so that no one may miss your grace
remind me daily that you have called me here for that very purpose
let me not take this lightly, give me your eyes when i see the fields
change my heart oh Lord

Dear Jesus...

Can I pretty please have a job in this beautiful city of Montreal? Oh yeah and a place to live, that would be great too!

Love <3
Amanda

pen to paper...or more like letters to computer screen

So this past week I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Whistler BC (courtesy Power to Change Ministries). While out there, I was working with the children's ministry (we basically had Vacation Bible School for all the Power to Change parents children while they went to a conference).

I think I learned some important lessons while out there (for me that is):
1. After conversing with many people who recharge by being alone, I have discovered that I too recharge by being alone (the appeal of living alone=huge sigh of relaxation)
2. I need to sleep more before having two long days of travel (*sigh*)
3. I saw a direct need for the Gospel to be communicated numerous times to children and what that looks like in their daily lives
4. Burst your bubble (Power to Change resource) has changed the way I will share my faith
5. I need to spend more time reading, meditating on and memorizing God's word (especially in areas that speak about my identity in Christ and stewardship)
6. I really need to think more before I speak. And if I am honest with myself, those words or tone are usually not the most edifying (as the heart is deceitful above all)
7. I need to be patient in breaking those old habits. I get so frustrated when I don’t see a change right away. One of the books I am reading says it takes a person approximately 6 weeks to change a habit (3 to break and another 3 to get used to it)…I now see why God is so patient with me and am thankful for His grace ☺
8. Some things in life are just worth that extra $ (ie. Great bed sheets and mattresses, quality Hunter rainboots to take you through the slushy Canadian winters and a warm, stylish, fitted, hooded winter coat…oh almost forgot, the sunken bath tub with arm rests that conform to your body and you can fully stretch out in)
9. I need a lot of sleep and its really hard to fall asleep in the Toronto Coach Canada terminal while making sure no one steals your personal belongings! (Come on 6:30!)
10. I need to blog or journal more. I learn a lot about who I am when I get things out on paper. On a brighter note, the sun is shining and it gave me plenty of time to listen to Diana Krall and evaluate how I have been doing, what I am learning and how to put that into practice.
11. I need to constantly remind myself that Christ accepts me just as I am (so I don’t kill myself trying to be someone I am not, and that my sanctification is a slow process in which Christ and I are carrying out together)

There is None like Him

The other night my friend shared with me this beautiful story that gave me a better understanding of how God's love and discipline can be at work at the same time:

There once was a little girl (let's call her Sophie) and her dad (named Charles). Sophie had just finished watching an episode of Dora the explorer and was ready for another one. However Sophie's dad knew that if Sophie didn't get enough sleep she would be cranky the next day. So he told her:
"Sophie, it's time for bed"
Sophie, however didn't want to sleep. She wanted to stay up and watch Dora. So she started to cry. She was very upset.
Sophie's dad saw that Sophie was upset,
so he
picked her up,
held her and
cried with her.
After, he cried with Sophie, he told her that she still needed to go to bed and there would be lots of Dora waiting for her in the morning.

I definitely cried when my friend told me this story. What a beautiful illustration of the love of God and how He mourns with those who mourn and yet still does His will with us because He knows what is best for us.

I am so thankful that we have a God who mourns with us and at the same time disciplines us. What other God can do that? I am so thankful He is a God who mourns and doesn't tell us to just "tough it up and deal". I am so thankful that we can cry out to Him whenever. I am so thankful we are free from condemnation in Christ Jesus. I am so thankful that my God is not an angry God, demanding works from us before we approach His throne. I am so thankful that we can approach His throne of grace, just as we are, knowing He will welcome us home with open arms, just as the father did with the prodigal son.

babble, babble, babble

I seem to be in a season of learning right now. Well according to Proverbs 1:5:

Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance

I should never stop learning. I hope one day to come back and reflect on my blog.

1. "Ordering your private world" and Changes that heal" are amazing books
2. Proverbs is insightful and practical
3. I am eagear to start a library
4. I am a typical girl who thinks to much about things and often confuse myself :P
5. I am accepting the fact that I need more rest than what others may
6. God is helping me gain a healthier understanding of the good, bad, work and rest
7. I enjoy resume writing and am thankful for the opportunities and experiences God has taken me though to mold me into the person I am today
8. Is thankful for the constant reminder from Jesus that I am righteous, not because of what I have done, but because of what Christ has done for me :)
9. Is seeing God broaden her interests
10. Is happy she got to use the cilantro she has been growing in her Indian food today!
11. Enjoys being proactive
12. I am learning that its ok not to agree with people's opinions and convictions, however I need to learn to communicate that in grace (so help me God)
13. Seems to break out into third person every so often, ha!

9 more days!

Ahhh! Only 9 more days until I am Calgary bound! That is insane. Another thing that is going to be insane is this week! Packing for home and for Calgary/Studying/all the other stuff=EEK!

Anyhow I find that lately I have been dreaming alot! Some of the dreams I have been having are pretty crazy and the other ones I'm like "man that's pretty cool!". This one I had a while back was insane!

I was dreaming that I was in the Mac-Correy Cafeteria (at Queen's) and this guy (no idea who he is!) walks by me, then all of a sudden he passes out! The paramedics come running in, as well as Queen's First Aid, so I moved back to give them some room. Then God was like "Amanda I want you to get in there and pray for him". So I respond in my head "No, I can't be in the way of the paramedics God, they know what they are doing..."

But as soon as I said that the paramedics who were just about to give the guy CPR said "It's too late! He's already dead" I immediately burst into tears and fell to my kness and started begging God to bring him back and I kept pleading with Him. In that moment it seemed as though there was no one else in the room but the guy, God and I. I continued to cry out to God and the guy stood up and then I woke up!

I have been praying that God would give me wisdom about this dream and have already had many revelations about it.

But what I am finding, is that my dream is kind of relating to where I am at in my walk with God right now. In the sense that my heart has been grieving alot lately and I am noticing that God is giving me a heart for so many things lately that when I pray it is becoming a plea to God. It kind of seems as though God is showing me that if I want to see His glory I need to get on my knees and cry out to Him, which is actually an answer to prayer as I have been praying about what to do in many situations and I think that this dream was the answer I needed!

Praise God!