i feel as though i need to do a blog label called "for today atleast" or "for the majority of the time" just as a small disclaimer to say i don't always feel like this...i have my moments.
anyhow this weekend i was blessed to go to the queen's/ottawa/montreal summit (a fall retreat with campus for Christ) and watch the cute staff kiddo's.
i must admit, i love kids, alot! i look forward to the day when i get to hold a raise my own, but i had quite a shocking revelation this weekend.
working so closely with the kids and the mom's, i saw how interests become somewhat divided. for example, at a conference, they have things like childcare so that the mom's can actually participate in the conference a little and bond with the students, and then i realized, when your a mom, your kids are your first priority (next to Jesus and your husband of course). usually leaving little to no time for other forms of ministry.
i always knew this and have heard this, several times from several mom's.
but this weekend, it really sunk in.
i realized that my desire right now is for women's ministry and to equip them with what they need to reach those in their lives with the gospel.
so i can probably say that having a family is not my top priority at the moment (suprise, suprise, i know!)
it was definitely on the ride home that i had these thoughts and was mentioning them to Lydia as we stopped for gas. i think this shift in priority came from what i learnt this weekend in watching kids, but also in just coming out of a serious relationship. i realize that i enjoy sharing my life with someone and i am not by any means saying dating or being married is wrong, it's so wonderful when two people who love the Lord come together (i actually LOVE the image of marriage Christ gives us, check out Revelation 21:1-4).
but, i think for the time, my desire is to serve women. and as i thought about this weekend if a man of God where to pursue me, how would i respond? would i say yes? or would i need to actually think and pray about it for a bit as i would be a little unsure?
and i think that for the first time in a while, i wouldn't be able to say "yes" confidently right away. i would need to really seek God in this one. i praise God that my heart is healing from my past relationship (he is a great guy trust me), but my uncertaintity would come purely from what are my priorities and not that i am still grieving this past relationship.
i really didn't think i would take anything away from this summit as i was just watching kids. when will i ever learn that God will use any and everything to teach me a lesson?