Unknowingly Defeated

This word isn't really in my vocabulary.  I'm not really sure why.  Though if I were to guess I would say that our world makes it hard to admit "defeat".  We are told we "need to succeed" as defeat is highly frowned upon.  It's uncool these days to be the one who admits they couldn't do it.

Interesting because I NEVER thought I was one of those people who couldn't admit defeat.  I always thought I could.  See how prideful that sounds?

The truth is *swallows hard* I can't admit defeat.  I am SO success driven that I look at the situation and say "I'll get it next time" or "I'll do better next time".  And then next time comes and the same thing happens.  I sit unknowingly defeated.

Maybe part of true success and growing as a leader is admitting defeat.  But realizing that we can admit defeat but not be in agreeance with what we are admitting.  That doesn't really make it true admitting of defeat now does it?

The reason we can't come into agreeance goes back to the fall of man.  Adam and Eve wanted to be "all powerful and all knowing" so they could do life on their own, apart from God.  And that's exactly what happened.  They got their wish, a life apart from God.

I too lived my life the same way for 19 years.  Apart from God.  I believed in Him, but that didn't mean anything to me.  I had no idea He was there for me.  I had no idea what He had done for me.

This is why I can't choose God, but God chose me.  I am full of pride thinking I can do it all on my own.  God knows better.  He knows I can't do life on my own.

So what now. I have to swallow hard and ask God to show me the areas I need to work on and humbly receive His instruction.  But also realize that admitting defeat isn't a bad thing.  Admitting you have done wrong is the first step in the journey of change.  And the best part of the journey is that God will go through it with you, if you let Him.