Grace filled vows

So my friend Emily over at Our Nest in the City inspired this post.  I felt it was time for an update and there are a few minor lifestyle changes taking place here to help fuel my body for my busy summer days.  So here it is friends.  These are some grace filled vows I am making this summer.  The idea behind them being grace filled is that I won't be legalistic with myself {which I am very good at}.  In Christ there is forgiveness and freedom and I pray I would walk in that and in the power of His Holy Spirit as I do my best to live out these vows;

1. Go gluten and sugar free.  My body doesn't do gluten well.  It hurts my head, tummy and energy levels, while large amounts of sugar spike my blood sugar and then comes the crash.  Not what I want or need.
2. Read the Bible everyday.  If I truly believe Jesus is my number one, regardless of how busy I am I need to make time for Him.  To refocus, repent and renew.
3. Get a pedicure or massage once a month.  Working on your feet for 8hrs or more take a toll on the body and lets be realistic its good to treat yo self ;)
4. Increase OSAP payments.  So that I could potentially do my MBA and start saving for a home.
5. Get my drivers license? This one I know will take more than the summer, but I am seeing the need for this and want to learn how to be a good driver.
6. Take a road trip.  This again may happen in the Fall after the back to school rush, but my friend and I were discussing a road trip to the beautiful Quebec City.

So, these are a few vows I am making for the summer/fall.  Would love to hear yours ;)

Grace in Scheduling

The reality is, I don't give myself enough grace to say:
"Amanda, it's ok if you cannot go to this event because you are too tired" or
"Amanda, schedule a couple different times in your planner to make those raspberry white chocolate scones you want to make, because you may not necessarily have the strength to do it on this day and that's quite ok"

It's the idea that, there is room for grace here.  Not everything MUST get done when I originally planned.  Sure it is great to have a schedule and it's important for me to not let my neck own me.  I do my best to make it out to Church, Bible Study and one or two social events a week {because these things are healthy in that they provide healing and growth}.  But sometimes I need a break, because I'm human and I'm thankful that He gives me those grace filled breaks because He's God.

Little Victories

I really have to give God all the credit here.  I have had some awesome past few days.  Barely ANY pain, some twitching of my head, but no sharp pains!!!
I've also had some pretty cool blessings these past few days, here they are:

-Yesterday I was able to go to Church and partake in worship {ie. stand up and lift my hands without supporting my neck!!}
-The prayer of a sweet sister in Christ
-A reminder from God that even in my pain and stiffness, the joy of the Lord is my strength and that is all I need
-Thai lunch/Starbucks and a little shopping with some dear friends
-A great meal with my family and a Disney movie

And today:
-Lunch with a good friend from Uni and her adorable kiddos ;)
-Errands {BY MYSELF!!! AND was able to walk around the mall in NO PAIN!}
-On sale Yoga pants! {great for those days when you are in pain but don't want to look like a complete frump}
-Half off my 2013 Moleskin! {Key is buy them AFTER the New Yr ;}
-Increased appetite {amazing considering I have been struggling eating lately, especially meat because it takes SO much work for my body to digest}

All of these things are GREAT! They definitely make for one happy Amanda.  But, I pray that the Lord would continue to remind me that my joy comes from knowing Him.  Not in finding good deals, not in friendships, community or even family for that matter, but in Him alone.

I'm a Martha, not a Mary

However, God seems to be in the process of changing that.  He's really good at seeing what we need and breaking us down if He needs to, in order to get us there.  I for example am a doer and have a hard time just "sitting" at the feet of Jesus.  I always want to be "helping, serving, doing" never "sitting, waiting, resting".

Why?

I associate rest with laziness.  I think there is always more that I could be doing {my room could be more organized, I could clean out the big freezer, I could meal plan for the week etc...}

You see where this is going?

A girl on the verge of burnout.

This time off has given me time to ask my heart, "where is this idea of serving from?" "is it pure?"

I know that I have a HUGE heart to serve others, but I also have this idol in the way that all needs to be perfect in order to serve {everything looking like it came out of a Pintrest ad}.

When oh when will my heart realize that I could be missing out on some great opportunities to serve, if I don't step in now, even when things aren't perfect.

Better yet, am I willing to put it all aside to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen?

New Years Goals {better late than never :D}

So maybe a little late if you will on the New Years goals but they are in the works and I am PUMPED for them:
1. Run a 5K by next Spring. I was watching a reality show on TV called Guiliana and Bill and was really inspired to run as Guiliana talked about wanting to run again but not sure if her body was ready to do it after losing her child through In Vitro {heart breaking story}. Her perseverance to overcome what she thought her body was incapable of doing encouraged me, that even though I am epileptic I can attain these goals in a time that works best for my body.

2. Still on the topic of running I would love to see if I could combine my love for God, running and passion to end human trafficking. My thoughts... see if I can raise funds to run for an organization like International Justice Mission or Love 146.

3. Serve my city. God is showing me daily that this city is in DESPERATE need of Him. It's devastating to see how many women come into my work in search of business clothes on a limited budget while trying to support their child, education and themselves. With this in mind, I pray that these simple acts will lead them to the Giver of life and Giver of all things good:

*getting involved with the Benevolence team at my Church
* building into the young women at my church
*donating clothes and other things I don't need to the local women's shelter or crisis and pregnancy center

4. And last but definitely not least, do weekly or bi-weekly word studies on my blog {ie. love, brokenhearted, good}. I want to fall in love with Jesus daily and be continually challenged in my walk with Him.

So, this leaves me to say, what are your hopes, expectations and prayers this New Year? I do pray that first and foremost this is a year that we all fall more in love with Jesus and out of that love springs grateful obedience.

To His Faithful Servants

There are days when dealing with people can be anything but joyful.
Those days when your covered in food, emotionally or mentally exhausted to the max and no one seems to care.
For those days, remember these beautiful words:

Do you ever?

I can't help but wonder sometimes if I'm actually growing in my walk with the Lord. I see things like my impatience, pride and just all together sinful nature come back to haunt me daily. Moment by moment sometimes. It's highly discouraging.

"Will I ever get it?"
I hear myself saying.

"When oh when will I stop loosing my patience or being such a jerk?"

My shortcomings are SO EVIDENT.
Yet He loves me all the same.

Signed,
Discouraged and wondering

To His Glory...

that has been on my mind quite a bit lately {especially today}. I started thinking about what God has blessed me with and entrusted to my care. Am I using these things to His Glory? Am I holding them before Him with an open hand? Or do I prefer to just do my own thing and use my time, talents and resources as I please.

Sadly, I think too often it's the latter. I think way to much about what "I" can get out of this or how will this benefit me.

If I were to sit down and consider what the Lord has given me and how I could use it for Him, I'm sure He'd blow my socks off.

I need to take time to consider how I can use my University degree, my gifts, resources, experience and blessings {which they really all are} unto His Glory.

Lord thank you for bringing this to the forefront of my mind and heart, I ask that you would forgive me as I've used your blessings for my own selfish gain. Show me how you want to use these things as I continue to work and serve.

fleshin it out

Sorry I haven't been posting regularly. Life has been BUSY!

Not only has it been busy, it's been challenging.
I can't help but feel a little bit jaded.

I'm short tempered, impatient...the list goes on.
And I'm not cool with this.
Now I'm not saying that I want to be happy always {as those fake happy ppl make me...well you know the rest}, b/c I believe there is a time and season for everything.

I guess I can't help but wonder if I'm being too hard on myself or if I have an issue that I need to work on.

So, Lord, as David said "search me and know me, test my anxious thoughts"

On Self Image

So last night while trying to fall asleep, Satan was up to his usual business of being a jerk. As I tried to drift off into sleep I heard:

"Amanda your so ugly, you'll never amount to anything, no one will ever want you"

Now, I am not normally one to be self-conscious of my image {Not to say I think I am the best looking thing to walk the planet, but it's not something I generally struggle with by the grace of God}. But last night, his lies started to sink in.

I found my head and heart in a bit if a war last night:

{heart says:}
"You are so right! No one ever would want to be with me, there are so many more beautiful people in this world."

{head says}
"You know this isn't true! You know God created you and you know that verse that you are fearfully and wonderfully made...it's true."

And then I fell asleep.

Morning comes and I somewhat recall the night's events of the war that seemed to be going on. So I continue to ask God for His truth to penetrate my heart.

Break time comes along and one of my dear Christian colleagues graces me with her presence and encouragement.

She begins:
"You know what's so funny? This morning I was just staring at you and thought wow Amanda is so beautiful and then God started telling me to tell you this!'

Me:
"Usually I would say smile and say thanks akwardly {not to think much of it}, but today I really needed to hear that."

I explained to her how I was so insecure last night with my image and asked God to speak truth to my heart, and He did, through her.

She continued to heap loads of truth and wisdom onto me, telling me how much God adores me and how GOOD His plans are for me.

I was so thankful for this. God REALLY does provide for our EVERY need. Even if we think its a small need, God doesn't, He is our Father and LOVES LOVES LOVES speaking encouragement and truth to His children. That's just one of the reasons I am crazy in love with God.

So is there an area in your life where you could use encouragement? Ask God and watch Him provide :)

Monday's News

In Technology
Finding a new template is ridiculously HARD!
I def wasted a good couple hrs on it
and alas, I'm still not 100% satisfied
If only HTML didn't take so long to learn :(
So, you may see several changes in the next few days as I try and find a template that suits moi, stay tunned.

In Weather
We hit a low of -27 or something of that sort? Too cold for me :O {and I don't complain about the cold too much usually}. But today I was a wuss.

In Church
I attended my FIRST EVER French Service Yesterday {WOOOT, BIG FAITH BARRIER pour moi!} and I understood {the worship that is ;D}. The sermon not so much {I understood all of God and Lazarus}. It will take time, but atleast the initial barrier is broken!

In Cafe
Ah good ol work! Lots of adventures here friends. Let's just say:" what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger?" {Jesus do your thing}

In Planning
Got a wee bit excited last night about a possible missions opportunity that describes EXACTLY what I want to do, for life {possibly!}. Buuut we aren't going to blog about that one just yet ;D

A fine balance

is my current life lesson.

The balance is between living in the moment and planning for the future. Both are biblical.

I'm either all about "to-do lists"

or

whatever I have the energy for after a long day of work {which usually isn't much of anything, but an episode of the Office}.

So, thoughts?

Radical Love

Have you ever experienced it before?
It's the best place to be in!
Ever since this past weekend when I went on a retreat with the youth, my heart for God was set a flame.
I can't even begin to tell you how much my love grew for Jesus this weekend.
After digging into parables, hearing testimonies and seeing youth passionate about following Christ, I was deeply moved to a place of repentance. He was not my number one.

I had become lazy, spending time with Him was too hard

But during this weekend...
Every talking left me longing for more of His word.
Every worship song, asking for just one more.
Every prayer, asking just one more 1 minute with you Father

I'm in a place where nothing compares. When I think about how I want to spend my evening in (as I've been sick the past few days) my options are either a movie or time in the word.

It's not even a contest any more.

I can remember when I would automatically pick the movie (and not to say anything is wrong with that) but I picked watching a movie b/c it was easier. I didn't have to think about it. Right now, my heart gladly chooses time in the word, prayer and worship first. Thank you Jesus for setting my heart aflame with you I so desperately needed it.

Bear with me

As you can probably tell my blog is undergoing a few changes. I was getting bored with the colours and want to make a new banner of some pics I've taken here in Monts this summer, so I ask you to bear with me as it may not look all that pretty.

In other news, my soul has been doing backflips for Jesus these past few days.
Take case number one: My Pastor is going through the book of Genesis during the evening service. Last night he taught on Sodom and Gomorrah. He mentioned that Dr Bryant Wood (biblical archaeologist) had said that bitumen was found in the dead sea. Bitumen is a highly flammable substance that must be heated in order to flow. This ties into Gen 19:24.

Case number 2: I had a small convo with my friend Em on parenting. We discussed different methods and how we were parented. I mentioned how I enjoyed one families method that stuck to their word (ie. If you say you get a time out for doing something, you follow thru with it). Which led to the idea of justice, which then led me on my walk home to think of my sin and how I deserved justice.
"I've screwed up so much God. You don't have my heart. My heart is so caught up in the beauty of this world that I've become desensitized to my sin."
I said this to Him as I walked along one of the most beautiful neighbourhoods in Montreal.

I'm realizing more and more that enjoying the things on this earth is fine, but coveting is not. I must confess I'm guilty as charged.

I covet the nice home
I covet the picture perfect Christian family
I covet the one's who can spend the day shopping in designer stores with a latte in hand
I covet the ones who don't have to rise at 4am

As I though about all my sin, I thought:
"God how on earth could you love me! I love this world more than I love you."

And He reminded me that:
He loved me even while I was a sinner, who didn't know him
He loves me even as I mess up now

That very confirmation made my soul well up with joy and my eyes well up with tears.

Thanks for those sweet simple reminders. I need those, lots of them.

Half of my heart

Listening to: Johnny Mayer "Half of my heart"
(seems approps as how often do I give God just half of my heart)

As I give
As I surrender
I see how it draws me closer to the heart of God
I see that these things are not mine
They belong to God
He has entrusted them to my care
And as I give them away
They no longer have a hold on me
My heart moves closer to His
And I am overjoyed

You would think that lots of stuff and money would bring happiness
That true satisfaction would come from living a life of comfort and accomplisment
But no amount of shopping
No amount of home decor
No amount of gourment meals
No amount of fame
No amount of awards
No amount of busyness
No amount of stuff
Will satisfy
I've been in each of these places
And I continue to feed my body with these small sugary snacks
When the King is offering me a feast

When will I learn?
When oh when will I learn that worshiping God with my whole heart means everything that I have is His?
And when will I remember the joy I feel in surrendering all that I am and all that I have to God?
The joy that is knowing Him
The joy that is knowing that NOTHING, NOTHING but Him will ever satisfy me?

It is well with my soul
When will I unclench my fist?
And let go of what I think is mine?

Lord may I use what I have to know you more and to help others know you. May I worship you with all of my heart. Help me oh Lord.

resting, mourning, weeping

Yesterday evening was nothing short of interesting.

What I thought was going to be lovely evening in, turned out to be 6hrs in emerge (no worries, nothing is horribly wrong, I just hadn't been feeling so hot lately, lightheaded and faint whenever I attempted to walk long distances and wanted to get it checked out to put my mind at ease)

I felt as though each step last night was a hurdle.

I knew I needed to get this checked out, but where? I am not even in my home province, so would I even be covered?

And how would I muster up the strength to walk to the metro to get to where I needed to be?

So I did some research, thought about it, prayed about it and decided it was probably best to go and get it checked out.

My one friend was so sweet and drove me up to the ER.

As I sat there waiting to see the triage nurse, scads of people kept coming in.

One lady who refused to wait in line and demanded to be seen by a doctor (definitely kept security busy), people lying in stretchers in the waiting room because there were not enough rooms...etc.

All the while my head was pounding so many thoughts and emotions came rushing in.

I sat there feeling an overwhelming sense of compassion for the guy who couldn't stop getting sick to his stomach or the girl sitting next to me who had a rash of somesort and looked really upset, and of course the man who came in having difficulty breathing.

It hurt me so much to see people in pain, I wanted to comfort them somehow, I thought, if only I was a doctor, I would hop out of my chair and put my 10 odd years of school to use.

I know it may not seem like a big deal, but I grew up in a home where one is not allowed to rest, it is attributed with laziness and one is not allowed to be in pain because it correlates with weakness. And one is not allowed to show any kind of sad emotion, because there is always more to do in life, so we must toughen up and deal.

I have carried this mentality my whole life. I always feared days that I would be sick as I would be pushed to keep going or when I just felt the need to sob, because even though I was told these things were ok, one's actions speak louder than words.

I am slowly learning that these things are ok. I am learning that Jesus mourned with those who mourned and wept with those who wept. I am grateful that my God is a God of compassion and I pray that I would come to accept that resting, mourning and weeping are all good things from God because I am so not there yet.

"C-c-c-changes!"

It's funny how fast a man's thoughts can change...coming into Uni I thought I was going to get good marks, become a teacher, marry cute and rich and live the all american life. Now here I sit final year university, no desire to be a teacher and I could careless about marrying rich (notice how cute is still there, haha!). All I know right now is my life has been transformed by the blood of Jesus Christ and I want to God to use me to do the same in the lives of others.

Life Lesson Number #1-You cannot serve two masters

For some odd reason 2008 has started off to be a year where I feel as though I need to be taking more responsibility for how I am conducting myself and where I am investing my time. Trust me I wasn't usually like this. If you know me, you will know that I am a carefree individual, but it's almost like I got a slap in the face saying: "It's time" (or maybe it was my pride and not wanting to grow up...yes that's it!)

I have been seeing how God is placing situations before me which are not ideal (in my eyes atleast). Last semester I experienced deep intimacy with God, but it took some humbling before I could get to that point. Now I find that there are situations that I am in that make me cringe and wiggle in my seat and ask Him why I need to do it like this or say it like that...but then I remember, when the day of judgement comes, I need to give an account of what I have done for Him, no one else. Not to say that is my motivation for what I do, I want everyone to know Jesus in a personal way, but it comes at great cost.

I guess I am still learning that I don't live to please people. People may not agree with the way that I live my life and I have to be ok with that it if I want to follow long and hard after Jesus and the plan he has for me. I guess today I was convicted once again of how much I love to please people. But when you think about it, Jesus sure didn't make everyone happy, so neither will I, it's impossible.

Me trying to please people doesn't do me any good. No one wins. I end up burning out and people miss the grace of God. Not cool! I have better things to focus my time on. I am called to help fulfill the Great Comission in this generation, meaning I cannot dwell on my actions, so my actions need to be ones that Glorify God and essentially, I need to realize I live for God and not for people.

First lesson learnt the hard way! Stay tunned for the next episode, when I...